G'S SPOT - G's Art Gallery

Man What a Drunk (Drink?)
Date unknown.
Crayon on lined paper.
A female and male subject make a toast while a second male subject looks on from some distance away. The lack of feet on all subjects and uneven ground hint that this may be an outdoor event for an amputee support group or association. The gentleman making the toast is apparently happy, yet his markedly yellow complexion suggests some underlying disorder of the liver, perhaps even due to cirrhosis from excessive consumption of ethyl alcohol. The disproportionately large hands also point to possible acromegaly. His droopy eyes and lopsided smile show he is already intoxicated. His female companion also appears to have two artificial legs, and her sparse hair may indicate other medical issues, perhaps a recent chemotherapy session. Interpreting the meaning of this work is somewhat difficult due to the casual writing style. It is thought that the African-American gentleman on the far right is either soliloquizing "man what a drunk" or "man what a drink," which lead to vastly different interpretations of the work. The latter simply expresses the subject's opinion on the quality of his drink and has no other implications. The artist almost certainly intended his work to have a deeper meaning, however, and the former interpretation is likely the correct one. The African-American gentleman appears to be smiling, yet his eyes slant slightly downward making his grin look superficial. Watching the already inebriated gentleman continue to consume alcohol, he expresses his disapproval. The work draws attention to the many people who attempt to use alcohol to forget their problems and/or overcome shyness in social situations. A social commentary of the highest level and truly a masterstroke for the artist.
 

Christmas with the Scissorhands Date unknown. Crayon on paper. A somewhat humourous, light-hearted departure for the artist, whose works are usually serious social commentaries. Even the world's greatest artists such as Da Vinci and Michaelangelo left scores of works unfinished due to their own ridiculously high standards and boundlessly curious minds, which pushed them to constantly pursue new interests. This could explain the lack of hands, feet, and hair on the rightmost character. Alternately, it could be dark humour about the risks of living in a house with people with blades sticking out of their hands. Although this work lacks the gravity of some of the artist's other works, it is illustrated with the same incredible technique he is renowned for -- he is a true virtuoso with the Crayola®.

UFO Date unknown. NHL stickers and pencil crayon on lined paper. I have absolutely no clue what the artist was thinking when he created this piece. My best guess is he was hammered at the time. Still, if I had to choose between this and Barnett Newman's Voice of Fire, you know which one I would choose.

Untitled Date unknown. Marker on construction paper. Dang, you're killing me here! Perhaps this is this is a vision of a post-apocalyptic Earth -- a commentary on the environmental mess we've gotten ourselves into, or something. Sometimes a genius's work is just too deep for average-intelligence people to understand.

Vampeer Date unknown. Crayon on construction paper. A giant bat pissing on a smiling kid. Lovely. You know, one time Jimbo and I climbed up different branches of a very large maple tree and urinated, as one does when up a tree. We were at nearly the same elevation and a good distance apart, but it was so windy that I got sprayed with a Macedonian urine mist, and I couldn't do anything about it because I was mid-stream myself and hanging onto a branch for dear life. I was not smiling. So, I'm not really into this one. What kind of messed up person draws crap like this?

MY FINGER IS BLEEDING Date circa 1989. Human blood and pencil on graph paper. A literally cutting-edge modern art piece. You know, one time in university I had a lab on the oxygen dissociation curve of hemoglobin, which involved blowing gas mixtures into a series of vessels filled with chicken blood. The lab was filled with students running the same experiment, and soon there was blood, blood foam, and blood bubbles everywhere. It was absolutely disgusting. I made a report cover sheet written in chicken blood, but at the last minute decided not to hand it in because I was afraid of getting in trouble. Yes, I chickened out, and I still regret that decision. Anyway, I sometimes get light-headed at the sight of blood, so I'm not into this one either, but some wealthy hipster would likely pay top dollar for it.

Barney Date unknown. Crayon on paper. The artist has long claimed he invented Barney, and now the proof has finally been found. Once this is scientifically analyzed to certify a date, Lyons Partnership will be hearing from the artist's legal team. They can keep their stupid Baby Bop and other friends; we just want the big man.

Mom Date unknown. Crayon on paper. Really sorry, mom. Really. The portrayal of the kitchen is spot-on though.